Hey Dad,

This letter is a long time coming and writing it hasn’t been easy for me. This is all probably going to be new information to you unless Mom has mentioned something to you about it. This subject is sensitive because of all the negativity that surrounds it these days. I’m not sure how much you know about it to begin with, and I’m going to write about it in a way that should make it easier for you to understand, at least I hope so.

I’m writing to you today to tell you that I am a transgender woman. What does that mean exactly? As far back as I can remember I’ve felt like I was in the wrong body. Like my brain was wired incorrectly and it feels totally wrong. I can remember back to being in first grade and desperately praying to god before bed to turn me into a girl in my sleep. I know you were probably always wondering why I had girls clothes hidden in my room growing up, but wearing them felt right and it was the only way I knew how to feel happy about myself. I’ll admit there’s some resentment there for you always taking what you found when you went through my room growing up. It’s part of the reason we’ve never been close. If information was as readily available about trans people back then I would have told you and mom then. Instead it took me until I was in my 20’s to figure out what to call what I was feeling.

I’ve always been incredibly sad. That’s the other thing that I dealt with growing up. I was quiet about it for the most part until I was a teenager and started puberty. That’s when it got worse for me because the changes that were happening to my body were making me depressed because I didn’t want them. I have hated the way I look for almost the entirety of my life. I didn’t really have a healthy way to express those feelings so I messed around with drugs for a few years. Drugs made me numb. Drugs made me think I was happy. The night you got that call that I was in the hospital with alcohol poisoning when I was 17, I was trying to kill myself. I chugged an entire bottle of Bacardi 151 and tried to drown myself in the bathroom at that apartment. The only reason I was unsuccessful was a good friend of mine got worried that I was in there too long and broke the door down when I didn’t respond. There were other attempts in the years after that, and I have a few scars to show for it, but we’ll talk about that later if you want to.

The first time I told another person that I was trans it ended in a divorce. That’s one of the contributing factors to that relationship deteriorating back in 2011. The Navy sent me to rehab for alcohol abuse in 2012. It didn’t really do much for me at the time but I took some lessons from it and learned better ways to cope with my feelings. Fortunately I found a better partner after the dust settled, and I’m happy to report that Mar knows, and fully supports me. Our relationship is better than ever and she’s not going anywhere. I was scared to death when she found out, but it’s been one of the biggest blessings in my life so far.

I’m telling you all this because I have a lot of history that you are unaware of and to better explain why I’m making the changes I am now. I know we’ve never really been as close as you would like, and I appreciate the efforts you’ve taken to try to form a relationship with me since I moved back to Georgia. We’ve done some fun stuff together since, but I’ve always been reserved with you. Partly because I’ve never felt like I could tell you who I really am. I tried so hard for several years to just push these feelings into the back of my mind and just be a normal man. I picked up male dominated hobbies and just tried to hide it. It kinda worked but not really. I’ve had a nagging thought in the back of my head that I’d never be happy and would eventually put a gun in my mouth some day. At some point you just have to accept yourself and learn to love yourself or you will.

So with that, here’s an introduction! Hi dad, my name is Alexis. I have been taking feminizing hormones since February of last year. I give myself an injection of Estradiol Valerate every five days, and have done it over 100 times by this point. I also take a testosterone suppressant daily. My hormone levels have been in ideal female ranges consistently for over a year and I’m having great results. My brain finally feels like it’s supposed to and I’m at peace for the first time in my life. This is the thing I’ve been missing. It’s crazy to me that it was as simple as talking to a doctor about it and getting a prescription. My outlook on life literally changed in that first week. I finally know what happiness feels like. It’s truly a blessing I lived long enough to figure all this out.

I know this name is new to you, but I have been using it online for over two decades at this point. I don’t really know where it came from it’s been so long. There was a band that I listened to a lot as a teen that have it in their name so that’s usually what I tell people if they ask. I’ve been introducing myself in person using it for about the past two years as well. I plan to make it my legal name next year if everything goes to plan. I’ve never really liked the name I was given at birth. That’s nothing against you or mom, despite what she said to me when I told her I was changing it. My middle name just isn’t a girls name any way you try to slice it either, so I will be dropping it in favor of Faye. I’ve always liked that name, and it pays homage to the street you raised me on. No matter how far I stray from there, I always end up nearby again. I was having a discussion on Reddit a few months ago talking about changing my name and someone said this in the comments:

“A name is a gift, and should be allowed to be exchanged if it no longer fits or feels right. We name children because they’re unable to name themselves when they’re born. It should be viewed as a favour or a placeholder, not a life-long sentence to something that doesn’t fit.”

That’s pretty much it. (There’s really only so much you can disclose in a letter like this.) I’m not asking much from you and Mom. You don’t have to support me or what I’m doing. Part of the reason I’ve never told either of you any of this is because I knew you wouldn’t. But if you want me to have a continued presence in your life going forward you will have to show me some basic respect and treat me with dignity. Continue to love me as your child as you said you always would. I am still the same person you raised, I just might look and sound a little different. This is not something any of us can ignore and pretend it goes away. I lived my life in hiding for the first 37 years of my life and I’m not going to do it any longer. This is who I am, and my door is open to you whenever you have questions.

If you choose to not accept me for who I am I will disappear from your life. This is a chance for all of us to have a closer relationship moving forward with just a little bit of love and acceptance.

I love you,
Alexis Faye

my latest labs came back in a decent range. I seem to feel the best when my Estradiol is above 300pg/mL, though I’ve been trying to hit closer to 400. Since we’ve switched to six month checkups I plan to pay out of pocket to test at trough in three month intervals to make sure my levels are still in female range when they’re at their lowest. Trial and error!

I saw you for the last time today. You could tell I was ignoring you. You walked by, leaning in to say “I love you anyways.”

I love you too mom.

Love isn’t supposed to be conditional. I’m sorry I’m not the version of me you had in your head. But I’m not sorry for doing what I have to do to be happy in the years I have left. I just wish you had it in you to show me some basic respect.

I never get tired of this email notification popping up on my phone. :3

It’s 1:40 in the morning, and I should be getting ready for bed, but I’ve been meaning to write this for six months and it’s weighing on me heavily tonight. I came out to you on September 20th of last year. I told you my deepest and longest held secret. I trusted you to still love me after. You said you still loved me. I cried and hugged my wife. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I gave you an opening to finally get to know me after all these years. Instead, you were immediately worried about how the rest of our family would react. I told you I didn’t care and that for the first time in over 25 years I’m legitimately happy. I asked you to tell Dad because I was too scared of how he would react, not understanding any of this. You said you needed time to process this new information and we would talk again soon.

I didn’t hear from you again for over a month. After the first couple of weeks it started to wear on me. I thought about how long it had been since we talked and I started to worry. I talked to my wife about how much it hurt my feelings on multiple occasions. I figured you would have had more questions. Dad and I had made plans to do a haunted history walk through the town square so you finally texted me to tell me that you hadn’t told him yet, and that you were having a hard time with it. I told you I understood. We went to the event and had a good time. I nearly told him myself on the ride back to my house, but chose to wait for a better time.

I didn’t hear from you again until a few days before Thanksgiving. You sent me a text and asked me to call before it got too late. I rushed to get done with work so I could call you as soon as I could. The call started off pleasant and you asked about my medical transition and I answered a few questions. You brought up your worries about our family knowing, and told me that you just couldn’t tell Dad. You said you didn’t want anything to change with our family dynamic, and that you wish I had never told you. Your exact words were “I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing that”. You then proceeded to tell me that my sister and her husband were very protective of their two small children and implied that I probably wouldn’t be welcome at their house or around them anymore. You also told me that you could never see me “that way” and asked me not to dress feminine around you. I was deeply offended by your words to me that night, and they run through my head constantly.

I saw you next at the family thanksgiving dinner with the extended family. I sat right next to you for a while and we never exchanged more than a few words. It was the same a month later at christmas dinner. You didn’t know it at the time, but that was probably the last christmas I would attend at your house.

I’ve been medically transitioning since February 22nd 2025. If I could go back in time I would have started at 18. I knew I was different at six years old. I didn’t have the words for it. I barely have the words for it now. I finally know inner peace and the sad thoughts that have been in my head since I was a little kid are a lot quieter now. I find joy in so many things now. I spent years thinking my default emotion was always going to be sad, only getting to experience other emotions in short bursts. I told you that I had been to rehab for substance abuse 15 years ago, and after starting transition, that I no longer feel like I have to be fucked up all the time. I talked about how I’ve been quietly suicidal for most of my life and have attempted to kill myself a few times. I told you that I’ve never known happiness like I do now and I look forward to living.

You told me “I wish you had never told me that”. With those words you said that you don’t want to know me. That my happiness means nothing if it doesn’t look the right way to our extended family. That you’re worried about how people will treat me, when you’re really worried about is how people’s perception of you will change. What they’ll say about you and our family when you’re not around to hear them. I told you I didn’t want to die anymore. You told me to keep it to myself.